Lazy Lazy Day

In My Dream

I had such a lazy day today.
I slept in which is my favorite thing to do.
In the afternoon, I finally decided to take a shower and left to massage place.
it felt really really good so I went home and decided to spent the rest of my day in my bed.

Somehow since last night, whenever I sleep, I had dreams about my ex-boyfriend.
It did not mean that I miss him, but maybe because I saw his wedding picture at our common friend's house the other day.

These dream made me think of him.
He was my first love when I was 13 years old.
When I saw the pictures, I did not get jealous but felt weired that I was not next to him.
We had been frends since I felt in love with him, and we started dating when I was 18 for four years.
We were such a cute couple, always fooled around and did lots of things together.
At the same time, he controled me so I did not have my own life by myself.
I did not have any other experience besides him, and moreover, I was really young at that time.
At the end, I thought he was the most annoying person because he bossed me around.
I was pretty bad at the end and our break-up was pretty mess.

After we broke up and after each of us got a new boyfriend/girlfriend, I realized that he loved me so much, so we cheated on each other's pertner.
But we did not get back together.
And after a couple years I left to the US, but we still kept in touch.
And during my stay in the US, he gave me a chance saying that he would wait for me till I go back.
I was thinking about it a bit but I got another boyfriend, which made him very upset.
I might thought he would love me forever whatever I do, but nothing lasts forever.
He finally gave up on me and now he got married with the girl he dated after me.
I think he made the right decision though.

I wonder if I can find a guy who would love me like he did to me in my life.
If I find one, I promise that I would not feel annoying about him!!
I really miss the days we had fun together.
When you are young, you can do anything, so when you are in a relationship, you can get excited more than we can do now.

Humm, I don't know, but I just felt like writing about my old boyfriend today.

January 11th

What Happened January 11th

These are slippers at my apt.
Today is 12th, but I am writing about yesterday now.

I am so tired on this day.
Got home at 10:30PM from my office because of unexpected useless overtime.
I had supper and soon after I laid on my bed and fell a sleep.
I was planning to get up an hour later or so to do some stuff for myself, but I woke up at 2AM in the morning.
The TV, which I kept on during my nap time, shows an old Japanese movie about prostitute like a late movie show.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and I was trying to make myself write this blog.
However, I was too sleepy and didn’t feel like writing one.
Since I write a blog once a day everyday, I felt guilty not writing one.

I watched a part of the Japanese prostitute story, and I liked it.
I think it was a sad story, although I am not sure cuz I just saw a part of it.
I wish I could figure out the title of the movie so that I can watch the whole story.
It was an very interesting Japanese historical movie.

Anyway, I was watching it, and also I was thinking that I have to write a blog.
So I had a dream about me writing a blog about Japanese prostitute.
Dreaming is interesting.
Sometime I have a dream about something in my mind, and sometime I have a dream about something I have no idea why I have such a dream.
Weird…

On 1/11, I attended a meeting as a leader of a management department.
Our department is a trouble maker of our company in December, so I got a pot at the meeting.
Too bad…
I had a couple appointments with a package design company and with a web design company.
One was really a nasty guy and the other was a really young boy as President of each company.
Interesting.
I figured that Vice President’s room smelled really bad.
I didn’t feel comfortable having a meeting there with him.
I found out the smell was from a dead mouse’s body.
Ewwwww……

Dream and Reality

Enjoying My Own Night

This is in front of my house.
It is winter, but the landscape here looks like it is autumn, very beautiful.
Today I renewed my driver's license, so I went to DMV which is a little far from my house.
I had never got on a Japanese highway by myself, so I was very nervous when I was driving today.
After I got off form the highway, I went to a wrong way, which is oneway road from the opposite side.
I am glad that I did not cause any accident.
After I got a new licence, I went shopping to get on orange color skirt.
I did grocery shopping afterwards and it reminded me of the time I cooked a lot for my boyfriend when we lived together.
At that time, I thought that I should have taken care of myself better.
Since I live by myself now, I don't care about my apt much.
Actually, I like doing laundry, ironing, cooking, and cleaning but I love doing those for somebody else.
However, I realized that I should take care of myself to be able to take care of somebody else.
So I started from today.
I cleaned my room, and did enough skin care, and so on. (There are more stuff that I have to do in this apt though)
I can't do everything at once, but to start immediately is important, I believe.

The other day, I talked with a chef guy.
I got to know him through my friend.
To be honest, I am afraid of him.
He is really nice and polite, but it seems like he is very calm person and see me in different way from the way most of people see me.
We have talked just a couple of times, but the other day he said,
"You are struggling between dream and reality, aren't you?"
I was shocked.
At that time, I was talking about many things very happily and I was not looked "struggling"...
I always know what is right and what is bad.
I know what I should do.
Sometimes, since I know about "right thing" too much, I get really tired and depressed.
Because I am absolutely not perfect, I get disappointed that I can't do what I should do.
More than that, my weak point is that I expect other people to be perfect, although I know it is impossible.
I just smiled when he mentioned that, but in face, I was very embarrassed.
Again, he is not my friend whom I know for a long time, but he got to know my weak point.
I admit that I am an idealist, which I should change.

This is what I have been thinking about this weekend.