This is a flower I got last night and brought it to office in Tokyo.
Halloween flower, cute, but not my style...
Today was also my birthday in the US because of time difference.
Many of my friends from America sent me birthday e-mail, even from someone whom I have not kept in touch for years.
Still I did not get e-mail from my boyfriend and I got really worried about him with thinking something must have happened to him.
I did not think that he would forget my birthday.
So I called, and we broke up.
I just got so shocked that he even did not remember my birthday and broke up with me on my birthday.
Not upset, but surprised, well, more than surprise.
That’s how much he cared about me…shit…
I had a feeling that he was not happy about our relationship, but I was pretending not to realize.
I thought that efforts would do something.
I wanted to keep this relationship because I needed him for my mental.
We have known each other for 4 years, but we live far away each other for 3 and a half years.
I did not mind the distance because I could see him quite often, but it did not work for him.
I think it was not only because of the distance, though.
Relationship is difficult.
I really had a fate that we would be together for good in the future somehow.
I don’t know why, but I strongly thought so…
It was so much fun to be with him.
He is silly boy, but very charming and funny.
It was so much fun to fool around with him.
He is sensitive and freak out a lot.
So I had to treat him carefully.
He loves freedom AND so he is free.
But at the end of our relationship, it seems like he tried really hard for our relationship.
He tried hard to understand my situation and compromised.
So I blame on myself about not trying harder.
I loved him more than anybody, but I was not a good girlfriend who could be with him when he needed.
We were on and off for 4 years, but seems like we are now completely over.
I am sad, but at the same time I feel relieved.
I loved him but it was painful for me to have him in the US with thinking about my work and future.
I am not capable for caring about others now.
God is saying that,
“Now is the time you should concentrate on working and see what you really want in the future”
I agree.
I thought it was horrible that this happened on my birthday at first.
However, now I am positive about this.
I can start from zero when I turned to 30, so maybe this was not the bad start of 30’s but good start.
I will definitely work really hard from now on and will make my dream come true.
Still I will not give up working in the US soon, and will live how I want.
I am so satisfied with having many types of relationships with one person.
No more regret with him.
No more boyfriend, but me myself from tomorrow.
Sounds miserable? Not really.
Anyway it was a big day…
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