Wanna Run Away

Let Me Run Away

It was one of the worst day today for me.
Everything did not go well at all.
It was such a long long day and very busy without stopping.
Exausted.

I wonder who knows my happiness.
(Why parents are both pretend that they know everything?)
I am very mean to people now.
(Especially to whom I can show my weakness, but I can't control once I get mean and feel sad to see the person't reaction)
I can't be nice to people except my assistants, which I try really really hard.
(And I got tired of trying so hard)
I don't want to talk with anybody.
I want to go somewhere to escape from anybody not to be seen my meaness.
I seriously don't want to see or talk with anybody close to me for a while.
I want to be alone.

I am not saying this becuase anything did not go well today.
I just don't know what is the right thing to do now.
I am totally lost.
I will think about if I am quitting my job in a couple months or now.
I don't want to quit my job by an emotional reason, so I need time to think about it.

Still, gotta work hard till the day comes.
I will go to Nagoya and Tokyo by taking the first bullet train tomorrow.
I don't want anybody to think that I am leaving because I can't work well.
I will work the hardest for two months and after that, want to run away...
Maybe I could go somewhere for a long vacation, place where no Japanese-speaking or English-speaking are would be the best for me now so that I don't have to hurt anybody.

Best Friend Forever

With My Friend

Although I had a lot of drinks last night, I got up pretty clearly.
No hang over.
Sakura, my best friend for 20 years, came over to my apt and we had a long talk.
We have had a lot of similalities, so I need to talk with her when I am thinking about something difficult.
I can learn a lot from what she talks to me.
We went to eat Monjya tonight and talked more and also talked about our memories for 20 years.
I wonder how we got this old...
Anyway I had such a good time with her today.

BTW, this is a song I like lately.

First Experience

Drinking By Myself

I slept in today till 4PM.
Actually I did not sleep till that late, but I was lying on a bed by watching TV till 4PM.
I was planning to do some stuff, but canceled everything.
Today, Jun and Shinsuke threw a party.
They love parties, and they threw a party for my birthday before too.
I went to the party with my friends from Hula, cuz all my other friends are married.
We went to a restaurant before going to the party and did "girl's talk" and had a really good time.

Since the party were full of too many people, some of us went to a club next door.
I had not been to aclub for a long time.
Had a good music and had a good drink and had a nice chat.
I decided to go home by the last train but it was repid train which does not stop my station.
So I decided to go to my bar at the next station to my apt.
I had never been to a bar by myself, because I don't want to be an alcoholic.

My bar was empty and thr master made this drink to me, but it was not good at all.
So it was on him.
We talked a bit, and a guy whom I saw at the bar a couple times.
All of us talked about ourselves.

I got drunk and felt weired about the situation but it was fun.
I took a cab home.
Going to a bar by myself is not that bad...

Yes Man

I Can't Say No...

I had such a busy day at work today, but it was fun.
All of us stayed at office till 10:30PM.
We are having a big meeting at Monday, so we had to get ready for it.
It was kinda fun to prepare till late at night all together.

Anyway, on the way back, I got a call from my friend from YMCA.
He is not my favorite person, but he asked my if I had dinner or not.
I should have said yes, cuz I wanted to go home to get ready for a presentation for my dad on Tuesday.
Also I did not want to eat that late cuz I am on a diet right now.
Anyway, I saw him at Italian Family Restaurant in front of my apt at 11PM till 1AM.
Ahhhhh, why I am a person who can't say no...
I have to be stronger...

Overslept

Can't Concentrate...

I styed up late last night with surfing Internet.
I supposed to go to work for a morning meeting ealry in the morning, but I overslept.
I got surprised and called my boss immediately.

Went to the dentist during my work time, and after that, I felt sick maybe because of medecine I took there.
Wento back to work office and had three chocolate cakes for research.
They were all good.

I had a meeting with Shinsuke and Jun tonight for my business plan.
Lately, I am not interested in my current work, but I am more interested in my future job.
I know it is bad, but it is something that I always think about whole time.

Not much happened today.
One more day to go before weekend.
I need to sleeeeeeeep.

Gym and Chocolate

Sundae After Gym

I had a pretty good day today.
Since my car was hit, my second dad is fixing it at his facory.
So I have to commute by train and bus from this morning.
That’s how I went to work till a half ear ago, but now I am so used to driving to work.
I realized that it is kind nice to go to work by train sometime.

I went to Universal Studio for work.
Finally they decided to sell out products at the park.
I am very excited.
I went to the park to give a presentation to the stuffs how to sell the products.
They are all nice, and I had good time to be at a backyard of the park while a lot of people were having fun.
I realized that all kids are on summer vacation now.
I feel jealous…

I went to gym after 5 month today with one of my assistant.
I had Pilates lesson, which is my favorite.
I felt really good but my assistant got sick after the lesson.
So we took a cab and talked about private life.
Then she said, “Shall we have dinner together?”
It was 10:30PM, but since she felt better, we decided to go to eat Sushi.
I should not, but I ordered sundae, damn it!
Ahhhh.
I had so many chocolate cakes for research earlier, but I could not help.
How weak…

Working Whole Day

Eating Is Fun

I was so scared to go to office today, but it was all right.
I did not have to worry that much.
Maybe because it was such a busy day today and a little exciting.
I stayed up till 3AM last night and got so much work done, so I could be very organized today at work.
Preparing is very important.

I really want to lose my weight now.
But we are doing research for chocolate cakes and roll cakes now, so we eat many cakes every single day.
They are all yummy.
I love eating, and it is such a pleasure for me to eat and think about what I thought about food.
I had never been interested in tasting food.
But I don't want to be fat anymore.
What should I do?

Tonight, I had a meeting for my business plan with Shinsuke and Jun.
I really respect Jun now.
He is such a smart guy and I have learned a lot from him.
The more I think about the business, the more I get nervous.
I did accounting simulation today, and got surprised how much I can expect to earn.
Making money is not easy...
I will have a serious meeting with my dad next Tuesday.
Till then, I have to complete this plan and make my dad allow me to do this business

Working at office during a daytime and working on my business plan at home at night.
I really wish my dream would come true.

Is this premenstrual syndrome?

My Busy Feeling

Last couple days, I am crazy.
I think I still care about one of my assistants, who is going to quit our company soon.
When I talked to my boss, he said she quit because of me.
Since I heard about it, I have been depressed and got scared of everything.
I had three days off till today, and I am going to work tomorrow, but I could not stop crying tonight.
I am scared.
I hate myself that I am this weak, but I really don’t want to go to work…
How come I can’t do well…

I went to pick Iwasaki san, who is my favorite person, up in this morning.
I got there a little too early so I was waiting for her in front of her house.
Then her father drove back his car, and hit my car.
I had never seen him before so this was the worst way to see him.
I felt really bad that I let him hit my car.
Also I was shocked that my car got this damaged since I never hit my car before…

Anyway, we had lunch together and I got power from her.
I talked with her about my worries and made me realize that I don’t feel fear to talk about my thoughts.
I always listen to her worries, but this time she cheered me up so much.
We had Indian food.
It was pretty good.

After lunch we went to have tea and sweets.
She told me all about her new boyfriend and she looked really happy.
She would not come to the US with me anymore, but I am still happy for her.
At night, when I could not stop crying, I thought I might have PMS right now.
How come girls have to go through this?
Maybe boys would not understand this and would think girls are crazy…
Anyway…
Since I had so much work to do till tomorrow, I was doing it with struggling.
Teppei, who is my old friend from college, called me.
He said, “I am going to get married!”
He finally decided to get married with his girlfriend whom he was dating in SF.
I did not know when he got back with her, so that was a pretty surprise.
Teppei and I have shared a lot, so tonight we talked about what each of us is doing now.
He kept saying, “You can do it, you don’t have to worry, you are talented”.
It helped me a lot since I am weak now.
He said, “We all can get success and we can do something big in the future all together”.
When I think about it, most of my friends who studied abroad are very talented and they are going to be successful.
I felt that I should follow.
I felt a little better now, but still am scared to go to work tomorrow…

Thinking About Myself

Frustrated

I did not do anything today.
Just did house sitting for my parents and took care of my dog.
My mom came home from SF in this evening, and I got upset to her about tiny little thing.
I feel that I may not be able to live with anybody lately.
I easily get upset when something does not go on my way.
I don’t want to talk when I don’t feel like to.
Also when somebody said something I don't want to hear at that moment, I get upset.
And I regret soon after I get upset to other people.
Although I was right, still I feel guilty about the fact I was not nice to others.
I used to be very calm, not short-temper.

When I talked with my dad tonight, I told him about my problem.
He said, “Things around you are overflowed now. Things are over your capacity. So you are not capable to care about others. It happens sometimes in your life.”
He might be right.
Then when can I get rid of this feeling??
I think I am freaking out right now since so many things are going on around me right now.


When I was much younger, I talked with my boyfriend for hours and hours every single day.
I wonder what we talked about at that time.
And I don’t know why I don’t have anything to talk now.
Does this happen to everybody??
I wanna call and talk but I feel weird to call without any topic.
Does this mean that my life is getting boring or I just getting old?
Or maybe what I only do nowadays is work and I just don’t feel like sharing work topic deeply.
I call my friends much less lately too.
But sometime I feel like talking so much, and miss talking with people besides work.

I am very excited to see my favorite person tomorrow.
Maybe I will call to my best friend sometime next week too.


Ahhh, maybe I am frustrated today by thinking too much.
I used to smoke when I feel like this, but not anymore…

Do You Wanna Be My Baby??

Baby Boy!

I woke up this morning and did laundry and left to work for a while.
After work, I went to visit my friend from junior high, Eri.
Eri and Takuya got a baby in May.
I wanted to get something for them, so I got PUMA socks and shoes for this little guy.

I thought I don't care about babies, but I changed my mind!
He is sooooo sweet, like he keeps smiling and tries to talk so hard although he is too young to talk.
Eri changes his diaper every ten minutes.
I got so surprised!
She is so crazy about him, so she said that she spends 10 hours on a sofa playing with him everyday.
Do all new mothers are like this?
I thought it was so cute, but not sure if I could do the same...
Oh my... I can't imazine myself being a mom yet.
But I would love to have a baby if my future baby would be this cute like this guy, Kan.

Had dinner with my dad and my sis at my parents' since my mom is still in SF.
My sis suddenly yelled at me about me spoiling my dog, Darch, everytime I am there.
It seems like she was in a bad mood.
Sisters are difficult...

Good Food & Good People

Relaxing Friday Night

This picture above is raw egg over the rice cooked with chicken soup.
This is such a simple
I had quite busy day today at office.
For me, it was nice busy day since I couldget lot of stuff done and had several good communication with my assisitants.
I think I sould not be so emotional about work, but there are so many I feel at work every single day.
I don't commnet about them to my boss or assistants, but I always think how I felt on that day on the way back from work.
I think I am difficult person because of this.

Anyway, tonight, I had dinner with two persons whom I got to know through work.
They are very nice people to hang out with.
We were at one place to drink for four hours!
Since I am off on Sat, Sun and Mon from today, I could have such a relaxing night with them.
Moreover the desert I had at the place at the end was one of the best desert ever.
Yummy Pudding!!

French Lunch

Japanese French

I saw my old friends from DU, Junko and her friend who graduated DU before I attended the college for lunch about work.
Always exciting to see successful DU friends.
Both of them are CEO of each company.
We talk a lot and I got learn so much.
Today’s lunch was French.
Since the palm reader from last night told me to eat fish, I chose fish dish.
It was pretty good.

I took the last flight back from Tokyo to my apt.
I prefer taking flight to taking bullet train.
I gotta work on my future business plan tonight, cuz I have so much homework to talk with my consultants, Shinsuke and Junn.
Uhhhh.

Tokyo Getaway Business Trip

Getaway From My Boss

I took a flight to Tokyo early this morning.
Since I realized that I left my business cards, I ask a cab driver to go back to my apt after a while.
Shoot, I had to pay double for cab…
I did not feel like going on a business trip this morning, after all it was a pretty good trip because I could get away from my boss.
He has been pretty crazy, and never leaves me alone at office lately.
He keeps calling my name, makes me join all his meetings, and makes me write many papers.
There is no time to do my own work at my office…
Anyway, I could get lots of my work done at Tokyo branch between my appointments.
It was sooooo hot in Tokyo.
I sweat so much whenever I visit companies, like soon after I take shower…
I started drinking water a lot for my health, but sweating so much is the worst part about it.

Mr. Kosuge took me out for dinner and there was a surprise guest, Mr Yamamura.
I was so happy to see these good people and I got lots of advise for my future from them.
We went to really good crab restaurant, which cost $200 per person!!
I had never had such a good crab.
I drunk a lot and probably because I was nervous, I got drunk.
On the way to a train station, I found a really really famous palm reader.
I asked Mr. Yamamura if she was the one, he said yes, and let me talk with her.
She read my palm and was very interesting.
She knew that I don’t eat fish much, and she analyzed my characteristics.
When it comes to a climax, I got pale, and could not keep standing, and could not hear her voice.
I asked her if I can take a break, but she started reading Mr. Yamamura’s palm instead, and she finished with me…
And I got better soon after a little break.
Damn, so what my life is going to be???
She is such a famous great palm reader, but I ruined it!!
Well, maybe this is sign from God that I should not know about my future then.

HULA Day

Hula After Work

This is what I need for mu Hula Lesson.
I went to attend Hula lesson.
I had not been there for a while.
Today, I told my boss that I had to leave on time beforehand, so he let me go.
It is nice to do exercise.

Since I am driving to work everyday, so my car got a mentenance check.
My second dad came to pick it up, and my sis and I went to lunch with him.
He used to be such a chain smoker, but he quit smoking like I did.
We were both happy, but we felt kinda weird that neither of us smoke after lunch.
Always good to see him, since he has a different perspective from my dad's.

I am so sleepy now.
I am so tired now.
I have to take the earliest flight in the morning to Tokyo tomorrow.
Gotta pack my stuff for tomorrow, but wanna sleeeeeeeep.

My Life Is Getting Better

Feeling Much Better

Our T-Shirt, originally uploaded by yikada.

I have had quite tough days lately, but finally I got back to a better life.
I had nice talk with all my assistants today, and I could have lots of my work done today.
Since I could leave office 10 minutes earlier, I drove to see my dentist.
Good thing that I went, my doctor fixwd my broken tooth and also found my bad teeth.
After seeing my dentist, I went to Junn's apt to talk about my business plan with Junn and Shisuke.
Last time I worked on business plan, Junn was not there, and Shinsuke gave me such a hard time.
However, this time three of us could talk a lot about my business plan, and it is getting a good shape.
Junn is such a smart guy whom I can respect and now I can feel comfortable paying fee for them.
I got a lot of homework, so I will be busy working at office and working at my apt for my future job.
Getting excited!!

This is a picture of T-shirt from 2001 or 2002.
Shinsuke wore this tonight.
I totally forgot about this t-shirt, but I now remember that Yuri made for our group.
She tool everyone's picture and print this.
I know I had one, but I don't know where it had been.
I was kinda moved that Shinsuke still keep the T-shirt...

Sunday, Holiday

Sunday With My Sis

I woke up at 9 in this morning and I had been goofy on a bad for a couple hours.
At noon, I had to leave to a college for students who want to be a chef or a pâtissier.
The college sent me an invitation for thier food festival since I gave a lecture at this school before.
It was Sunday, but I decided to go since they make really good stuff.
I had lunch there, this humburger.
I talked with lots of professor there, and had a good time.

After this festival, I met with my sis and went shopping for my dad’s birthday.
He is going to be 58 years old on this coming July 15th.
Our family still celebrate each member’s birthday.
My sis and I decided to get together at our parents’ house tonight since my mom is leaving to SF tomorrow.
We want to get together when one of us leaving Japan.
So we always have dinner together when I leave Japan for business trip to the US.
It is like Jinx for our family.
Anyway, since my mom would not be at my dad’s birthday, so we decided to celebrate tonight.
He was surprised and looked really happy.

*I took this picture on the way back from shopping. It was cute that there was a huge dog in a car in front of us.

I grind my teeth almost every night.
When I was frosting my teeth just now, my tooth got broken and breed sooo bad.
I was freak out, looking red blood non-stopping.
Ew, I guess I have to go to the dentist tomorrow.

Current Business and Future Business

Building Business Plan

I stayed up late last night surfing internet.
And I woke up by such a painful cramp.
My leg hurts so much and I thought I was loosing my leg.
Seriously…
Anyway, I somehow managed to go back to sleep by rubbing my leg.

The next time I woke up by a sound from my cell phone.
I looked a clock, and it was 9:16.
DAMNNNN!!
I had to attend a meeting for Board of Director from 9:30.
Of course, I was the youngest person and I was the one who got the lowest position at the meeting.
So it is no way to be late for the meeting.
AHHHHHHHH.
I just washed my face and brushed my teeth.
I left with all my makeup stuff.
I drove with putting make-up.
Still because of this humid weather in Japan, no taking a shower in the morning makes me feel miserable…
I was late but I could not tell anybody that I overslept…

After this Saturday meeting, I drove to Shinsuke’s apt, and started building a business plan.
I really want to move to the US in April by doing what I want to do.
I have to make sure if my thought is good enough to make the biggest decision for my life.
Therefore, I asked for a help to Shinsuke and Junn who are consultants.
I got a lot of homework till the next meeting.
Excited but I am scared…
*Picture is Shisuke’s apt. TV shows all Power Point things.

Punishment
This is a cat I found at our parking lot in our company.
I just got back to Japan from a business trip in the US a couple days ago.
Since then, I have been tired.
Physically tired, and also mentally tired because of many issues I have right now.
I have tired to be a mood maker for my department, but I can’t lately…
WEAAAAAAK.
I would say today was the worst.
There were three meetings I had to attend, and each meeting I had to be surprised to know something I did not know.
How come something I don’ t know has been proceeded??
Okay I was away from my office for 2 weeks while I was in the US.
Is this a punishment for me?
I felt very isolated…
Well, it is not the right expression.
Maybe now I feel frustrated what I can’t figure out what I should do now because I can really understand what is going on right now at my department.

To be honest, I am very shocked about one of my assistant who is going to quit a job next month.
She gave the notification while I was in the US.
I think I would not be able to forgive her at that point, because I this it is not a good manner.
Moreover, I was shocked to hear that my boss told me that she quit because of me last night when we went out to drink.
Ahhhhhh, I should not write about this as my memory.
But I believe that when I read this blog in the future, I would think, “Humm I was young!”

This is my dinner tonight.
I think it is so cool that I can get enough vegetable by drinking this thing!
I got home at 10:30PM and I though I should not eat this late.
I gained 6 pounds.
Damnnnn, I have to go on a serious diet.

明日はいい日でありますように。
Please!!

What I Did in SF

FROM July 1nd to July 7th

July 1st...I got back from NY through Arizona. Got back 1AM. Sleepy...

July 2nd...Factory Tour and Meeting with Accountant.

Went to Burger Place with Rye. I liked the place a lot. The best Molt ever!!

July 3rd...Did Two Factory Tours in SF. They were both good!
Had Dinner at Micheal Mina at Westin Hotel with Rye. It was really good. But I ate too much. I think they are good, but a little too expensive...

July 4th...Birthday of America. Went to Dave's. He is the best chef ever.
Went to Uncle Koji's for BBQ. Always good food and have a good time.

Went to Fisherman's Warf to see fireworks. We were special cuz we could see firework on a boat!
Dan, Anne, Rye and I had a good time on Rye's boat. We walked back to a hotel.

July 5th...Went to Gilroy Outlet Mall by myself. Not much luck but bought a couple stuff.
Went to Uncle Koji's to stay over.
Rye and I went to see Hancock, which I enjoyed a lot.

July6th...Did work like going to a couple grocery stores.
Went to see Kotaro, and also went to Japan town to see uncle Koji and his friends.
Went to Rye's parents' house to have dinner. Dave came along too, and we had shrimp angel hair pasta.
Nate, Charlene, Rye, Dave, and I went to see Wall E together. I was such a cute movie.

July 7th... Always hate to leave but I got on a flight to Tokyo, Japan.
I could not get business class seat, but got three seats by myslef. Not bad.

July 8th... Got home in Japan. Had dinner with my family!!

Ah, I did not take enough pucture in SF this time.
Anyway, I alway love to be in SF and see many people I know.
See you SF in August or September!

What I Did in NY

From June 26th to July 1st

June 26th...I left Japan to NY.
Got to NY and had a business meeting in Manhattan.
Visited my American Host Family to attend Katie's high school graduation.
So good to see my American Family.

June 27th...Katie's graduation party with her family, friends and neighbors.
Played Wii for the first time in my life with Danny.

June28th...Rye came to pick me up ealry in the morning.
Took a train to go back to Manhattan and did window shopping on 5th Ave.
Had dinner at Japanese restaurant, which was not that good.
Went to see musical, "Mary Poppins".


Saw Paul and Ed at West Village and drunk. We played "Q"

June 29th...Went to Harlem to listen to Gospel at a church. I was moved!

Had lunch near Soho.

Walked on Brooklyn Bridge. Half way but fun.
Went to China Town by subway.

Had dinner at Organic Restaurant.

Went to Chocolate Cafe.

June 30th...Had a business meeting.
Went to Food Convention.

Went to see Alex.

Saw Paul and three of us went to Korean Restaurant.
Got drunk and went to another bar, and one more after that.
Realized love.

July 1st...Last day in NY.
Went to Organic restaurant for lunch.
I feel we did more, but can't really remember...
Took an airplane to go back to San Francisco.
Rye gave up one first class and I upgrade to first class for the other flight.
Had a good flight.

I had such a great time in NY.
I don't think I had never loved NY this much.
I wanna go back there soon!