Dissapointment

I Remembered How To Cry

I had a meeting today on Saturday, which we have once a month.
At this meeting, R&D department have to do a presentation about some projects.
I helped my assistant to prepare for a few weeks.
Also we have to show some products we are trying to sell after lunch.
I talked with my boss and tell that to my assistants to bring them to the room.
Anyway, the meeting was 8 hours long which was shorter than usual.
I went to my parent’s house to talk about something about work with my dad.
And I went back to my apt to clean up this messy room and to pack my suitcase for Tokyo business trip and America business trip.

I checked my e-mail just now.
I got e-mail from my partner at work.
After reading the e-mail, I was so disappointed with myself and him.
I thought I forgot how to cry, but it seems like I remembered.
E-mail is sometimes cruel.
I hate writing something you can’t say face to face.
I think it is not fare to say something you feel difficult to say by e-mail.
He is such a nice guy who supports me so much, but the e-mail was complains about me.
I was so disappointed with me about making him feel like writing such a negative e-mail.
I trusted him so much, so I was sad to read his e-mail saying that I am not working hard enough.
I don’t know how I can do better than now.
I don’t know how many more hours I can work than now.
I don’t know how I can care about everyone more than now.
I thought I did my best, but I am disappointed that he disagrees.

He resigned his position so I moved to his department and will be his boss from April.
So before April, I have to learn everything from him what he had done at the department.
However, because of preparation for the convention coming up tomorrow, I did not have enough time to talk with him.
I don’t have confidence to be his boss…
To be pleased by everyone is such a hard work.
What do I want?
I think I don’t care who hates me now.
I think I just need to get a good result, so that everyone will follow me.
So yeah, maybe I should work now.
Okay now, what else do I have to sacrifice for this job??