Am I Doing Okay?

Feel Miserable

I feel seriously seriously miserable tonight.
I missed Hula lesson tonight again.
Lately, I cannot leave office on time, because my work is endless.
And now I strongly think this is the time I have to work the hardest.
However, the more I try to do the best, the busier I get.
Being busy is okay, but I get really disappointed when I can’t get things done the way I have to.
Now I have to work in a team.
I have to lead the team.
However, for them, I am the new boss, and I am quite different from their former boss.
I understand that they are afraid of a big change.
I argued with one person this morning.
I tried hard to understand what he wants, but I never could.
He has totally different idea about working.
I believe making money is not the easy thing to do, and working is something you have to seriously do for your life.
At the same time, you have to enjoy what you are doing, and you can feel happy what you are doing.
I talked with three people after work about what I expect the department as a boss.
I wanted to motivate them and let them feel relief.
I want all of them to feel responsible what they are doing.
I don’t mean that I don’t want to take all responsibilities, but if you don’t feel responsibility on your own work, you would feel empty.
I wanna treat all workers as an grown business people.
If they fail, I would take care of their failures, but they have to do their best not for me but for themselves.
I discussed a lot with them, but I am scared if they understood me.
I had to keep telling people what I want them to do over and over.
Anyway…. I am very very tired today.
I might be too pessimistic tonight.
I gotta get ready for a business trip from tomorrow now.
Gotta take an early flight to Tokyo as usual.
To be honest, I wanted to cry tonight, but I was too sad to cry.
I don’t understand why I feel sad.
I think I just am not sure if I am doing the right thing right now.
I am running fast in my life now, so I might make a mistake and don’t realize…
Weak tonight.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.